Often, singles bump into members of the opposite sex that they’re attracted to, but are either much older or younger than themselves. How big can that age difference be before it is considered taboo? Is seven years acceptable, ten, fifteen? More?
It was during my days as a dishwasher at a casino restaurant, years ago, that led me to seek an answer to this question. I had made many visits to a religious community and was preparing to enter, but before I left, I met a woman who nearly derailed my plans. Carrie was hired to work at the casino’s snack bar. She was a 19 year old blonde bombshell. I was 31.
Carrie’s red lips, and the way the sun was caught in her beautiful hair, infatuated every guy who laid eyes on her, and I was no different. She was outgoing, never had anything negative to say, and had a way of making you feel so good. We talked a lot during downtime and became good friends. Over a short period of time, I began to have strong feelings for her.
I thought she was too young for me, but everyone else said it was fine. My heart became divided between Carrie and the religious life. I wrestled with the decision for months. Then, one day while I was channel surfing before work, I came across an episode of Little House On The Prairie called, “Doctors Lady.”
It was about a girl named Kate who was in town to visit her aunt, Mrs. Oleson. Kate was around 18 years old, but she fell in love with Doc Baker, of all people, and he with her. As the show progressed, Doc Baker became tortured by the fact that he, a middle-aged man, was in love with a woman several decades younger than himself. He liked being loved by her and knew it was good for him, but he realized it wasn’t good for her.
At the end of the show, good Doc told Kate they couldn’t marry and broke her heart. As she left town on a stage coach, a sad Doc Baker watched from his bedroom window. The show had a huge impact on me. Carrie was an awesome girl, but I felt the same way about her that Doc had felt about Kate. I looked up at the stars one night, saw what was before me, and made my decision. On my last day of work, I saw Carrie and told her I was leaving. She smiled and didn’t seem sad at all; she gave me a hug that melted my heart and felt so good that I asked for another, and then another. As the Beetles’ “Don’t Leave Me Standing Here,” blared in the background, I left that girl happy that she would be fine. I loved her the same way Doc loved Kate, and we both expressed our love by letting go.
So how many years can separate a couple? There really doesn't seem to be a rule except for the one you find within your conscience. Only you can know if a person is right for you or not. Some, you have to let go.
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